


Head Up, Eyes Open

by meetmebackat221bbakerstreet



Category: In the Flesh (TV)
Genre: M/M, Takes place in Season Two, basically just Simon being a great boyfriend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-08
Updated: 2014-10-08
Packaged: 2018-02-20 10:43:03
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2425805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet/pseuds/meetmebackat221bbakerstreet
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After their first kiss, Simon tries to convince Kieren that he is not the monster he's afraid he is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Head Up, Eyes Open

Kieren didn’t know where he was going, or maybe he did. He wasn’t actively thinking about it, he just let his legs take him to wherever they wanted to go. He thought it was stupid he didn’t realize that they were taking him to the bungalow, to the place where a man who showed up into his life, preached about bullshit, but still had an incredibly gorgeous face; even more so without the mouse. He realized that there was no one else he would rather see at this moment.

He knocked furiously on the door, hands coming back down to his sides, trying to calm himself down. Trying to make sense of everything. Trying to understand why everyone in town feared him and people like him so much even though no one has done anything on purpose.

He tried to understand why his legs brought him here.

The door swung open and there he was, Simon, standing there, the look of confusion on his face.

“Kieren?” said Simon, but Kieren brushed past him and stepped into the house, “What’s the matter, what happened, Kieren?”

Kieren didn’t know what made him decide this, all he knew was that he had too much emotion and he didn’t know how to let it out but he did in the only way he thought he could: he crushed his lips onto Simon’s.

Kieren felt Simon’s shock but it quickly faded to his lips moving against Kieren’s and his hands coming to rest on the back of his neck. Kieren was pouring every ounce of frustration of that night. Of them not understanding that he just needed his medication and of course he was going to turn rabid if didn’t take it. It was so obvious that he didn’t want to hurt her.

It was an accident. Kieren knew that. It was all an accident.

They pulled apart after a minute, before Kieren could speak, Simon put his finger to his lips, “Shh, Amy is in the other room. Come on, let’s go outside.”

Kieren nodded and he let Simon pull him outside by the hand, Kieren walking in some what of a daze.

They walked for a couple minutes until they were standing under a street light. Simon finally let go of Kieren’s hand and Kieren mourned the loss of it for a second.

“What to tell me what that was all about?” asked Simon, his eyes looking at Kieren like they always did; like Kieren was the most beautiful thing he ever saw.

“I… Not really. I mean, something happened tonight. And it made me upset. Someone forgot to take their medication and he turned rabid but they were treating him like a monster. I tried to tell them that it was an accident, that he didn’t mean it and he tried to stop himself. But they didn’t listen. Because to them, I’m a monster, too.” said Kieren, pacing back and forth.

Simon grabbed his arm, “Hey, you’re not the monster. You need to understand that. You’re not a monster.”

Kieren instinctively leaned closer to Simon, “I feel like one. Ever since I got back. My own family still isn’t comfortable around me. I know they’re scared. Especially Jem, she’s scared the most. I wish I could tell them it wasn’t me who killed all those people but it was. It was me.”

“Listen to me, Kieren,” said Simon, hand resting on his cheek, “I understand what you’re feeling. I really do. I get what it feels like to feel like a monster. But we’re not. It was your body who did that but it wasn’t your mind. It wasn’t your heart. If we had any control over ourselves when we were like that, I’m sure we wouldn’t have harmed anyone. Stop blaming yourself. You can’t live in guilt.”

“I’m not even living.” said Kieren, giving out a weak chuckle.

“Well, we’re both standin’ here. Talking. I say we’re alive.” said Simon, smiling.

Kieren looked down, ashamed at his own outburst but he felt too relieved and comforted by Simon to actually care at the moment. He needed Simon. Even if he talked a bunch of prophet bullshit, sometimes he was able to talk some sense. Kieren knew he was right, what happened when he was rabid wasn’t his fault. But it felt like it sometimes.

“Now, not that I was complaining but do you want to tell me why you kissed me back there?” asked Simon.

Kieren felt embarrassment run through him, “I don’t know. It just seemed like the right thing to do at the time.”

“Hm,” muttered Simon, as he stepped back away from Kieren, “Do you lead people on, Kieren?”

His head shot up, “No. I don’t.”

“So you do have feelings for me?”

“I do but they’re confusing feelings. When you are with your followers and everything, I feel like punching you in the face. But you were also the first person I wanted to see after what happened tonight. I don’t know what that means.” said Kieren.

“You don’t like what I talk about with the others?” asked Simon, looking amused.

“Not even that. I get the whole, don’t be ashamed and everything. But don’t make it hard on yourself, either. Not showing up to the scheme thing is a way to get on their bad side.” said Kieren.

“Kieren, we’re already on their bad side. We will never be on their good side. I talk to them because they need to know that they’re not monsters and they shouldn’t be ashamed of themselves. The reason why you do the scheme, Kier, is because you think you deserve to be punished. I don’t.” said Simon, shrugging.

“You’ve never felt guilt, for what we did? What we all did?” asked Kieren, incredulously.

“For what, Kieren? We were dead. In the ground. We didn’t choose to just raise up out of it. Something happened to us that was well beyond our control. I try to make others see it the same way so they can move on with their lives.” said Simon.

Kieren rubbed his hands over his face, his contacts suddenly bothering him. He quickly removed them and threw them on the ground, hands still covering his eyes.

He felt Simon approach him, but Kieren didn’t dare look up. He couldn’t stand to look at himself. He didn’t know how Simon would react.

Simon carefully placed both of his hands on Kieren’s wrist and gently started to pull his hands down. Kieren kept his eyes tightly shut, his head still bowed. He felt a hand on his chin and it pushed it upwards, so he was face to face with Simon now.

“Kieren, open your eyes. You have nothing to be ashamed about.” said Simon, gently.

Kieren slowly started to open one eye, seeing the outline of Simon right in front of him. And then he opened the other, blinking to clear his vision and to see Simon clearly, for what it felt like the first hime.

“You’re beautiful, Kieren. You’re incredible.” said Simon, breathlessly.

Kieren gave out a breathy laugh, “I’m not.”

Simon grabbed his waist with one hand and his face with the other, “But you are. I hope one day you will be able to see that. There is nothing wrong with you, Kieren Walker.”

Kieren felt himself relax and look into the eyes that matched his own but it looked right on Simon. Like he was supposed to have those eyes. They made him more vulnerable and open, with nothing to shield the truth from.

“What are we doing?” whispered Kieren.

“Whatever you want. I want you. I think I have since the moment you told me I was sitting on your grave.” laughed Simon.

Kieren laughed along with him, “If this is something we’re doing, we need to tell Amy. She really loves you. I don’t want to hurt her.”

Simon nodded, “Okay. That’s fair.”

Kieren leaned his head against Simon’s, he felt too guilty to kiss him again, but he liked being close with him. He never even felt this comfortable when he was with Rick. Simon doesn’t care who knows about them, he wouldn’t make them a secret. With Rick, they were always both looking over their shoulders, making sure no one saw anything.

He could finally be with someone who proudly wanted to be with him. After everything Kieren has gone through since coming back to his family, he felt like he could allow himself this, just this one thing.

He’ll be selfish, just this once.


End file.
